At a certain time in life, the world shifts on its axis when suddenly the lyrics to old songs are the only ones that stick in your head, but even the oldest, lamest knock-knock jokes are suddenly new again.
In this case I remember the punch line of a joke I first heard in grade school, but I don’t remember the words leading up to it. The punchline goes like this: Don’t hatchet your count before he chickens. If anyone out there can provide me with what comes before, I’d be eternally grateful. It bothers me that my little gray cells seem to have misplaced this one vital piece of information.
My mother was big on not prematurely counting chickens, but she also had any number of other handy sayings. One of my favorites goes like this:
If you lead a horse to water and can’t make him drink, give me that horse and I’ll figure out a way to make him thirsty.
As for what other items might be hiding in this particular Evie Busk file? Let’s see: A wise man changes his mind; a fool never does. God helps those who help themselves. A stitch in time saves nine. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.
But what brought up those blasted chickens in the first place? I’m back to counting, of course. I’m writing the blog on Wednesday afternoon, and I’ve just come in from finishing a chilly set of 10,000 steps. That puts me at 23,982,000 steps and 9909 miles. By Friday, when the blog goes live, I should be at 24,000,000, unless something catastrophic happens between now and then. But sending along the score a whole week after it happens seems like publishing yesterday’s news as breaking news. Not that The Seattle Times minds doing that these days. Their on-line edition carries the same headline for weeks at a time, but I digress.
I can’t quite believe that I’m still walking, but six years in, I am. Every single day. My streak of days is now 750 days long. That’s a lot of days and a lot of time as well.
This week Bill had a dental appointment that included the installation of two crowns. In the old days I would have sat in the waiting room and … well … waited. But now I’ve turned waiting rooms into walking rooms. While he was being treated, I went out into the parking lot and picked up 4000 steps.
So that’s how my life works at this point—it revolves around my three Ws—William, Writing, and Walking.
Once I hit that 24,000,000 mark, I’ll post it in the comments, just to let you know for sure that I’ve made the grade.
By the way, we’re still having problems with the blog. The email subscriptions are becoming intermittent at best. If you don’t receive yours, you can always access the blog yourselves by googling www.jajance.com/blog. But please be sure to check send me a note at jajance@me.com to let me know if your copies aren’t coming through. I’m keeping a list of those whose are missing and sending theirs out manually.
And once again, if anybody knows what that ornery count was doing that got him into so much trouble, please let me know.
I have no idea what the count was doing. Looking forward to seeing the whole joke. I send bad dad jokes to some of my friends so am excited to pass this on. I’ve missed a couple blogs
My recollections of the joke go like this.
During the time of the French Revolution, there was a Count. He was “in the know” of a lot of key information, information that those in power really wanted to get a hold of. So, they took him as their prisoner. So… he was tortured and bribed. Deprived of food and water. He did not give in and share any of this information.
Finally, they became so angry at this Count, for not talking, that they brought in the guillotine. And it was off with his head. No more opportunities to get THAT information! And the lesson here is “Don’t hatchet your Count, before he chickens!”
Finally, those in power
I think the phrase is ” Don’t count your chickens before they hatch”
I’ve never heard that joke and am interested in learning what it is. It sounds good.
My Mom had a saying that drove my sisters and I crazy. Whenever a friend or relative did something stupid to her she’d say ,”They meant well.” We’d shout, “No, they didn’t.” She saw the good in everyone.
I want to make a correction. I should have written “she” instead of “they”. The persons who did the deed were usually women and not men. I didn’t want to write “”he/she” so took the lazy way out.
Here you go!
https://www.math.ttu.edu/~pearce/jokes1/joke-288.html
I have missed my Friday dose of Jance here and there lately. That is, it did not show up in my e mail. I went and found it tho and resubscribed. I was wondering what was going on. Thought maybe you didn’t love me anymore. Lol. Even when I click the follow up comments box, I do not get them.
I do have a bone to pick with you tho. Joanna Brady is not tiny. The average height of women in the US is 5 foot, 3.7 inches, which is my height. So at 5’4″, Joanna is actually taller than average.
My family has a lot of old sayings from our grands and parents which we still pass along to our kids. The chicken one is “don’t count on getting something before the time is right to get it”.
My grandmother who lived for 92 years and was a big part of our lives would chastise herself all the time: “Too soon old; too late smart.” At 75 years young, I repeat it a lot. 🙂
Not sure but I think this is the story you are thinking about.
THE COUNT AND THE SHERIFF
Once upon a time there was a very evil Count in the Kingdom and he liked to steal things. Eventually, the Sheriff realized that the Count was the thief and he decided to interrogate him. In the old days, this amounted to the Count being tied up with his head on a chopping block and the Sheriff bringing a henchman with a giant Hatchet who would threatened to cut off his head:
And the Sheriff said, “Tell me where you put the stolen goods!”
And the count said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
The sheriff gestured to the henchman who raised up the Hatchet.
And the Sheriff said, “This is your last chance, where are the stolen goods?”
And the count said, “I don’t know!”
So the sheriff gestured to the henchman, who swung the hatchet and right before it hit the Count he said, “Wait! I’ll Talk!” but WHACK and his head was chopped off and it rolled away.
And do you know what is the moral of the story?
“Don’t hatchet your counts before they’ve chickened!”
In a kingdom long ago an evil count ruled the land. There was a lot of stealing of goods happening and the Sheriff realized it was the Count that was the thief. So as was the custom, the Count’s hands were tied and his head laid upon a chopping block. The Sheriff brought a Henchman with a large hatchet for the interrogation. The Sheriff asked “Where are the stolen goods?” The Count answered “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The Henchman raises the hatchet as the Sheriff asks again. “Where are the stolen goods?” The Count again says “I don’t know what you are talking about.” So the Sheriff signals to the Henchman and the hatchet is swung down. The Count says Wait I’ll tell you.” Whack, and the head rolls away. The moral of the story is, don’t hatchet the Count’s before they chickens.
Never heard that one, but now I’m going to go nuts until I find out…lol. Hopefully you will get the answer and then I will also know also.
Hi Judy!
Found this with a Google search:
A count was arrested for treason and sentenced to death by beheading. The king offered him life without parole if he confessed. The count refused so the execution was scheduled. As the executioner raised his ax, the count yelled “I confess”. But it was too late. The ax fell. Moral: Don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken.
At first i thought there were typing errors. We are about the same age but I’ve not heard that one. PLEASEwhen yo find your answer let us all know. Now I’m curious.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/109q5lt/a_large_and_powerful_kingdom_conquered_their/?rdt=46486
THE COUNT AND THE SHERIFF
Once upon a time there was a very evil Count in the Kingdom and he liked to steal things. Eventually, the Sheriff realized that the Count was the thief and he decided to interrogate him. In the old days, this amounted to the Count being tied up with his head on a chopping block and the Sheriff bringing a henchman with a giant Hatchet who would threatened to cut off his head:
And the Sheriff said, “Tell me where you put the stolen goods!”
And the count said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
The sheriff gestured to the henchman who raised up the Hatchet.
And the Sheriff said, “This is your last chance, where are the stolen goods?”
And the count said, “I don’t know!”
So the sheriff gestured to the henchman, who swung the hatchet and right before it hit the Count he said, “Wait! I’ll Talk!” but WHACK and his head was chopped off and it rolled away.
And do you know what is the moral of the story?
“Don’t hatchet your counts before they’ve chickened!”
I found it, too:
THE COUNT AND THE SHERIFF
Once upon a time there was a very evil Count in the Kingdom and he liked to steal things. Eventually, the Sheriff realized that the Count was the thief and he decided to interrogate him. In the old days, this amounted to the Count being tied up with his head on a chopping block and the Sheriff bringing a henchman with a giant Hatchet who would threatened to cut off his head:
And the Sheriff said, “Tell me where you put the stolen goods!”
And the count said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
The sheriff gestured to the henchman who raised up the Hatchet.
And the Sheriff said, “This is your last chance, where are the stolen goods?”
And the count said, “I don’t know!”
So the sheriff gestured to the henchman, who swung the hatchet and right before it hit the Count he said, “Wait! I’ll Talk!” but WHACK and his head was chopped off and it rolled away.
And do you know what is the moral of the story?
“Don’t hatchet your counts before they’ve chickened!”
I found it, too:
THE COUNT AND THE SHERIFF
Once upon a time there was a very evil Count in the Kingdom and he liked to steal things. Eventually, the Sheriff realized that the Count was the thief and he decided to interrogate him. In the old days, this amounted to the Count being tied up with his head on a chopping block and the Sheriff bringing a henchman with a giant Hatchet who would threatened to cut off his head:
And the Sheriff said, “Tell me where you put the stolen goods!”
And the count said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
The sheriff gestured to the henchman who raised up the Hatchet.
And the Sheriff said, “This is your last chance, where are the stolen goods?”
And the count said, “I don’t know!”
So the sheriff gestured to the henchman, who swung the hatchet and right before it hit the Count he said, “Wait! I’ll Talk!” but WHACK and his head was chopped off and it rolled away.
And do you know what is the moral of the story?
“Don’t hatchet your counts before they’ve chickened!”
BTW, got your blog! Thanks!
That’s a good one, I ‘ve never heard that one before 🙂
I always remember it as, Don’t count your Chickens until they are hatched. Hope that is what you are thinking.
I had a few weeks of no blogs in my email but found them on my Facebook feed so, that meant I didn’t miss anything…phew!
Thanks to Kevin Smith for relating the joke since I’d never heard it before and it would tend to drive me bonkers trying to figure it out.
Never heard that saying but very interesting to read the comments about it. We only heard “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
Was it “don’t count your chickens before they hatch” ?
Thanks
THE COUNT AND THE SHERIFF
Once upon a time there was a very evil Count in the Kingdom and he liked to steal things. Eventually, the Sheriff realized that the Count was the thief and he decided to interrogate him. In the old days, this amounted to the Count being tied up with his head on a chopping block and the Sheriff bringing a henchman with a giant Hatchet who would threatened to cut off his head:
And the Sheriff said, “Tell me where you put the stolen goods!”
And the count said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
The sheriff gestured to the henchman who raised up the Hatchet.
And the Sheriff said, “This is your last chance, where are the stolen goods?”
And the count said, “I don’t know!”
So the sheriff gestured to the henchman, who swung the hatchet and right before it hit the Count he said, “Wait! I’ll Talk!” but WHACK and his head was chopped off and it rolled away.
And do you know what is the moral of the story?
“Don’t hatchet your counts before they’ve chickened!”
Index
Haven’t heard the “hatchet” reversal before. I know several reversals but they are all off color. I still think 10,000 steps a day is excessive, but what do I know?
Google has the answer to your count question.
Thank you all. The whole joke is now back in my head. As for my steps? At 10:39 last night I hit the 24,000,000 mark. That amounts to 9,013 miles. Back to walking.
I’ve always heard, Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Funny … I interpreted “count” as a score, such as keeping your step count, in your opening paragraph. Then, at the end, your question implied that the “count” was minor royalty, a title. Which makes me think that the joke, which I haven’t heard, is a play on words. Our favorite kind of joke, we English speakers!
Congratulations!!!! What a fabulous accomplishment!!! And to live each day with your 3W’s… nothing better than that… what an inspiration you are!!!
Never heard that one, and now, having read all the comments so far, cannot get the images of the hatchet/guillotine out of my head- I would not risk the latter for greed!
Of all the ways to kill someone, beheading seems one of the most horrifying-
A firing squad seems downright civilized in comparison-
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch
I did a quick copy paste on that punch line and this page came up. The relevant saying is second from the bottom before the red headline.
https://rtac.org/puns.html
Cheers
Wish I could help you with the chickens, counting, hatchet, whatever, but my mind is blank. As it often is these days.
Still, I look forward to your weekly blog. Your steps are amazing. With the new year coming, I will, once more, make a resolution to get my 10,000 steps in each day, no matter what.
Interesting, your comment about the Seattle Times. What I see happening all over the world is that newspapers no longer present objective news, they present biased opinions. I hate it, especially since there are almost no alternatives. Thankfully, the TV PBS news program still does a good job with objectivity. Bob Glass
Yes, journalism schools are evidently no longer teaching the difference between reporting and editorializing.
“Don’t hatchet your count before he chickens.”
If I remember my history classes, this saying dates back to the French Revolution. ?
This is what I remember:
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
FYI: I love reading books because my Dad bought a lot of them from a guy that came to our new house selling lots of different sets of books. (That was back in about 1958) Here are some of the books I still have: Hammond’s Classic Edition World Atlas. Hammond’s Classic Edition Nature Encyclopedia of American. World Atlas Children’s Stories. A 51 book set called “Harvard Classics The Five-Foot Shelf Of Books.” 1959 copyright. “Landmarks of World History” maybe an 8 book set. I only have 8 but there could be more that got burned up in my sisters home fire. Lost a lot of the books back then. My sister & I got these books when my mom moved to a smaller place. My Dad passed away when I was 10 years old in 1965. One book I don’t have but remember is a really, really Huge Dictionary. It was so heavy I could barely pick it up. The set I loved the most was “The Children’s Hour”. A set of dark red books that were Favorite Fairy Tales.
Sorry to make this so long. I love books and later in my life I worked at different libraries part time while I was in college. I got a Library Tech. degree at Highline Community College 1975. Years later I got a job at the Mountlake Terrace Library which is just north east of where I now live. I worked there for over 15 years and now that I am retired, my son works there. I hope you enjoyed reading this.
Anne
I found this via “Dr. Google” about your “Don’t count your hatchets…” https://www.math.ttu.edu/~pearce/jokes1/joke-288.html
Google the quote and you will get the answer to the Count question.
I just checked my copies of your blog and find I have received in October 6, 20, 27 November 10, 24 and December 1 and today.
I just thought that you have been busy. I enjoy your telling of the tidbits of your life and your quest to be the person with the most steps in the world.
Good one.
Loved this–thank you!
(I didn’t get last week’s email & had missed this one, until you sent me the link so thanks for that, too!)
Sorry Judy. I know a lot of jokes even the corny ones but the one you mention I don’t!! Laughter is one of my favorite activities. Even when it’s at myself. I do enjoy those funny moments you include in your books. Thanks for your Friday messages. I look forward to and enjoy them.
Merry Christmas!!!?
Sorry Judy. I know a lot of jokes even the corny ones but the one you mention I don’t!! Laughter is one of my favorite activities. Even when it’s at myself. I do enjoy those funny moments you include in your books. Thanks for your Friday messages. I look forward to and enjoy them.
Merry Christmas!!!?
My Mom hated gumchewing. “A gum chewing girl and a cud chewing cow are different but alike somehow”. I still don’t chew gum. You forgot “pretty is as pretty does”.
I thought it was “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”
I’ve never heard that one but the Google snippet shared by others is quite funny.
I see we never received last weeks blog. I too thought you were busy and taking a break.
If you go to the website, http://www.jajance.com/blog, you should be able to go back through the archives and read ones you missed.
https://www.math.ttu.edu/~pearce/jokes1/joke-288.html (hatchet the count story)
Pet peeve. This isn’t grammar, but something that annoys me. Curtains or drapes (draperies) are now referred to as window treatments in ads. Why the change? Someone must have thought they had to think up a new term for something simple.
Many of us are now using window shades in their various styles — vertical, honeycomb, etc. — instead of curtains. I think the term window treatment is designed to encompass all those options.
Thank you, Patricia. I hadn’t thought of that. I live in an old farmhouse where all windows are the same size. It’s easy to sew up curtains when I want a change. Have never thought of anything else.
It’s an old joke. One of the many variations is from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
from Riker’s joke as told by him to the officers on the bridge, and enhanced with the scripted version]
Commander William T. Riker:
…He still won’t talk. So they put the count’s head on the chopping block. “One more chance”, says the queen. “No”, says the count. Then, just as the headsman swings the axe and the blade is about to fall, the count says, “Wait, wait! I’ll talk!” But too late. And the moral to the story? Never hatchet your counts before they chicken.
Dear Ms. Jance,
Sorry, I don’t have the answer to your question….I just wanted to say please keep doing the 3 W’s!
Big big fan! Hope you had a wonderful holiday!
Teresa Leonard
West palm beach, Florida