This week my daughter, Cindy, brought me a bright blue sweatshirt. The logo features a steaming cup of hot coffee. The words printed above and below the coffee cup read like this: Fueled by coffee…and True Crime.
That’s me in a nutshell—I’ve had at least 10,000 cups of coffee in the last twenty years and I’ve probably watched that many true crime shows, too.
I’ve read any number of Harlan Coben’s books, and we’ve seen several TV limited series based on his stories, ones that have come to various streaming services. So last week when Harlan Coben’s The Final Twist premiered on network TV, I tuned in and was surprised to find that rather than a treatment of one of his fictional stories, it turns out to feature various true crimes. Our recorded second episode is playing on our TV as I write this, but that show is also the reason I’m writing this tonight, because seeing Harlan Coben doing the introduction reminded me that he is one of my heroes.
For years I kept asking Bill to stop mumbling and to turn up the volume on the TV set. He told me over and over that needed hearing aids. I told him I DID NOT! Then in 1999, at the American Library Association conference in New Orleans, I was on a panel with Harlan Coben. Panelists were seated at a table located behind the loudspeakers. The first time the moderator asked me a direct question, I didn’t hear a word she said, and I’m sure my answer was bizarre. Thankfully, Harlan realized what was going on. From then on, he kindly translated the questions for me.
I was exceedingly grateful for that and wrote him a letter, sent in care of his publisher, thanking him and saying how grateful I was. I don’t know if he ever received it, because he never responded, but maybe someone who knows him will pass this along to him because, all these years later, I’m still grateful
But that isn’t the end of the story. Bill continued to mumble. The volume on the TV set continued to be way too low.
Then, a year or so later, our other daughter’s relatively new in-laws came to Tucson and we all went out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant that featured lots of very hard surfaces. During the course of the meal, I heard her father-in-law say something about “camels in Virginia.”
That one stumped me. “Really?” I asked. “I didn’t know there were camels in Virginia.”
He looked at me as though I was a complete idiot and said: “I LEFT MY CAMERA IN VIRGINIA!”
Enough said. I invested in my first pair of hearing aids shortly thereafter, and the first thing I noticed on the way home was that the turn signal was actually making a clicking sound. I hadn’t heard that for years.
I should have paid better attention to Harlan Coben years earlier. I could have spared myself a good deal of embarrassment. But if any of this sounds familiar to someone reading my blog, get over yourself. Go ahead and buy yourself that set of hearing aids you’ve spent years saying you didn’t need or that you were afraid would make you look “old.” Most people won’t even notice them. What they’ll see is someone who has finally rejoined the conversation.
The good news is hearing aids are a lot less expensive now than they used to be and trust me. You’ll be thrilled when you use your turn signal and hear it clicking away for the first time in years.
I need to get to the VA’s Audiology lab to get my hearing aids fixed/replaced. They developed an issue years ago and I just put them in their box and did nothing. I’m not sure if I have the TV or radio too loud as I am alone. But it’s time to get them fixed. I’m sure hearing loss doesn’t improve with age.
Great story, thanks for sharing.
I wanted to share my website with you since, Toni, a Bisbee “girl” likes my book about Venezuela.
I got hearing aids a while back but am not happy. Due to the paralysis in my left ear, that side is very uncomfortable and wearing glasses doesn’t help either. The frame irritates the top of my ear. I’ve had them adjusted but am not satisfied. I only wear them when I am out and about, otherwise, they are just too painful.
I remember seeing Johnny Ray wearing his. It was a large bulky box-like contraption, about the size of a deck of cards that he carried. It hooked up to the contraption in his ear. Size and visibility have definitely improved.
I’m so glad that yours are OK.
My husband got hearing aids a few months ago. Now if he would j7st wear them!
Same!! My husband has them but won’t wear them! He doesn’t like something about the sound but won’t go back to Costco to get them adjusted. Grrrrrr!!
Mine didn’t wear them til he was back for a recheck and the dr asked him why he wasn’t. Guess what, the hearing aids show exactly how much the person is wearing them!
Good luck with the hearing aids. Tell Bill that you are the best and that you are the boss lady. Glad you have him in your life. Your daughter is a hoot. Does she write too? No catching up to Mom on that score.
They are not as expensive as they once were, but it just cost me $700 to get mine fixed.
As someone who has worn hearing aids their whole life, they help but they don’t solve the problem. It’s still difficult to hear in noise places, still hard to hear the tv (gotta love closed captions) and most of all, it’s exhausting to have to pay attention all the time so you don’t miss anything. But I always wear them. Five years ago, I got a cochlear implant. Talk about a life changer. Yes, I look like cyborg but I can finally hear most of the things I’ve been missing. And as a set benefit, I’m not as loud as I used to be. Now if I could just get my insurance to pay for the second implant 🙁
Got my hearing aids about a year and a half ago and have no trouble wearing them, but I still have trouble understanding people on the phone, or someone in another room. Definitely time to take them back to get them adjusted or whatever.
Time to check out Harlan Coben. I’ve already run through Thomas Perry. Thanks again for him.
Blessing to you and Bill.
When I don’t hear the turn signal clicking away I know I’ve left the hearing aids at home ?
I have had my hearing aids 3 weeks and every thing makes a noise in the car and house. I spent one day putting oil on desk chair, doors and cabinets hinges. The squeaking was unreal. I was so surprised that carpet, sheets and even toilet paper makes a sound. I am adjusting to all the extra noise and everything will be fine as soon as I can find the volume button on my daughter. She has “yelled” at me for years, so I could hear each word she spoke.
Sometimes hearing aids are not the total solution. I have them and when I am in a panel like situation I have a hard time hearing. Someone recently suggested a personal sound amplifier that you can buy on Amazon. They are as low as $30. I purchased the ones for $60– they do work. I am in total amazement.
What a wonderful post! I live in a +55 apartment complex and it’s close to living in a college dorm! Thank God, I still have good hearing, but several here do not. For years, I repeated the thing I’d just said when someone said “HUH?” After ten years, I began yelling, “GET HEARING AIDS!” It was so frustrating repeating things over and over. Now many of them realized what they were missing and love their hearing aids. They are no different than wearing glasses!
During my 30-year Air Force career, I accumulated 4550 hours in C-130s and RC-135s. Part of my VA disability rating is for tinnitus and hearing loss. The VA gave me a set of great Phonak hearing aids in 2019, and they will be replaced later this Spring after an updated hearing test. They have a great smartphone app I use to control them.
These are all great stories – as a hearing aid wearer for 20+ years I can say with authority that hearing is a lot of work. Wearing aids helps train your brain to recognize the sounds you may have been missing for years, and thus only wearing them when you go out, or have company, or feel like it, hurts rather than helps your comprehension. Also a good audiologist is your best friend in these instances – they can understand and interpret the feedback you give about your devices and your hearing and comfort, but only if you go see them regularly and talk to them about your hearing journey. Not being able to hear is lonely and isolating, and even dangerous as you walk around in the world. It also undermines your mental and physical health, as well as close relationships like marriage! A hard of hearing spouse who doesn’t bother to acquire, maintain or use hearing aids is sending a very clear message to their partner that they don’t value the partner’s conversation, even if that is not their intent.
Ceci
It’s been proven many times over that *uncorrected* hearing loss contributes to dementia. The isolation uncorrected hearing loss has also is a big factor in loneliness and depression. Costco has a great service.
Been there done that
Hearing are great. When you need glasses you get. When you need hearing aids get them.
Okay, you’ve convinced me. I have had a few embarrassing moments, too. I actually ruined a song for my coworkers in the circuit court clerk’s office because I misheard the lyrics. I didn’t hear “Driving with my eyes closed”. I heard “Driving with my asshole”. Even though I only told one person, all 40 people in my office plus all the bailiffs and judges heard about it within two hours. I am retired now but every time I go to the courthouse someone sees fit to mention it.
You kill me! I love this one! My husband finally broke down and got hearing aids (50 years) because of heavy jackhammer… I’m so glad he did.
That may be something I have to consider in the next year or so.
I am glad you have discovered part of the world again.
Great advise.
We shouted at my husband’s grandfather for years. He claimed it would be a waste of money to buy them because he was so old (92). He lived to be 103 and yes we shouted at him for years. Now my husband needs hearing aids, and I must endure loud music in the car. He had a pair but parts of them do wear out and like his grandfather thinks it is a waste of money. Fortunately I can sit further away from the television but not so easy in the car.
Thank you for your letter, I know what you mean. Three sets of hearing aids ago, I am 79 so that was a while ago, I got my first set of hearing aids and what a difference I could hear all kinds of noises again and the family is glad to have the tv turned down.
All of this is so familiar. I just got home after going to the VA for my 5th set of hearing aids in a little over 20 years. Without them I am “profoundly” deaf. It’s definitely a love/hate relationship. I absolutely hate them! Without them I am lost and miserable. Crowds, especially in hard surfaced areas (restaurants) are nearly unbearable, yet without them it is nearly impossible. The last set and my next set Bluetooth to my phone which makes telephone conversations so much better. I’m told that my new ones will also Bluetooth to Smart TV’s. You can’t get much better than that! I still have a difficult time understanding my granddaughter’s “bird like” voice, but I know that she is talking to me. ??.
All this to say…GET YOUR HEARING AIDS!!!
I don’t know about earing aides being less expensive – I paid $4,000 for mine, and rarely wear the blooming things! They interfere with my sun and reading glasses ? Seriously thinking of hitting WalMart and their $99 ones. ? You[re right about not hearing properly – bubby gets hugely irritated with me when I answer what I heard, not what he asked. Oh well….probably better that way. ?
So far, I’m ok. I can only not hear my daughter and that is because she speaks too softly. No problem with anyone else.
I have a friend who has them and they spend more time in his drawer than in his ears!!
Love Harlan Coben’s books, some real surprises, need to check him out again, haven’t read him in years. His kindness to you makes my thoughts of him even better!
So funny, Judy. I like the “Camels in Virginia”. I get told often that I need hearing aids when I ask for the volume to be increased, but I’m not there yet. I hear good enough! Karl wears hearing aids so with them on, he can hear the television at a lower volume than I can. When he doesn’t wear hearing aids, I have better hearing!
I got my first hearing aid for just one ear when I was about 70. Now 8 years later I just bought the set . Still working on the fit may have to change them, but I remember when I got my first one for just the one ear , when I walked out of the business I could hear the birds … now I can hear the clicking of the turn signal too which I never realized I couldn’t . I’ve never felt too proud to get them I was excited . I can hear people better too . Thank you for a great post
Even with hearing aids I still have trouble understanding some words. I live in the deep south. A sales associate was helping me sign up for rewards yesterday and I heard trap. When I watched her lips I realized it was tap on the screen.
My youngest daughter insists that I need hearing aids….but she is the only person who does–and that is because she mumbles with her head turned away from me. I went and had a hearing test. My hearing is good for someone who is 77 years old.
I laugh every time you tell the Camels in Virginia story. I know Harlan Coben is a great writer. It’s good to know he’s also a nice person.
Hahaha thank you, I am 68 and am living this very thing! I have followed you for years, love your transparency, your books and appreciate you!
Kim
My spouse has been using hearing aids for years and they seem to be getting more expensive every day. We finally opted for the “best” ones and they are no better than the less expensive ones. It is a frustrating process!!!
My maternal grandfather became quite deaf later in his life. Finally, my mother took him to an audiologist for an exam, and aids were recommended. So they went to try a pair. All went well until he learned the cost of these devices (and this was over 50 years ago), he stated, “My father was deaf and I will be too!”
Several years ago, with some prodding from my wife, I made the journey to the audiologist, and yes, learned about lots of sounds I had not heard for a long time.
It’s good to be in a club with you!
Hahaha thank you, I am 68 and am living this very thing! I have followed you for years, love your transparency, your books and appreciate you!
Kim
Hi! It’s me The Christmas Tree Lady.
This post resonated with me. In 1983 while spending a weekend out of town with my in-laws I experienced a terrible headache (not an uncommon thing when spending time with the in-laws so I didn’t think much about it) so excused myself from a family outing and stayed back to watch tv and hopefully distract myself from the headache. The headache grew in intensity and suddenly I couldn’t hear the tv – or anything else for that matter. I ended up in the ER and was told that I was just stressed out as a young mother with small children. The doctor assured me that all would be fine by Monday. Well, it wasn’t. Saw a specialist and was referred to another specialist with a week stay in a major St. Louis hospital. Subjected to numerous tests including a spinal tap. Eventually I was sent home. Basically was told it’s just the way things are so accept it. Over a long time I gradually regained a little bit of my hearing. Although grateful, it was depressing because I couldn’t hear well enough to be part of conversations or enjoy tv. I adapted as best as I could. Years later I went with friends to see the Downton Abbey. I cried through most of the movie. Not because it was a tear jerker but because the combination of my hearing limitations and the British accents I didn’t understand one word said and couldn’t follow the storyline. One of the friends, a retired nurse, urged me to get hearing aids. She said there needs to be stimulation of nerves or whatever between your ears and the brain and without it hearing deteriorates more and more. So, I followed her advice. The first time after getting the hearing aids that I attended a movie I again cried throughout the movie. That time though it was tears of joy and gratitude. I was able to enjoy the movie. That was about five years ago. My hearing isn’t perfect and even wearing the hearing aids I miss some words but I can be part of conversations. I no longer feel the isolation and the desolation I once experienced. As for the vanity issue and being embarrassed about having to wear hearing aids I got over that when people mistook them for ear buds and I was considered “hip”. To anyone hesitant to get hearing aids I strongly recommend them. They are life changing.
This post resonated with me. In 1983 while spending a weekend out of town with my in-laws I experienced a terrible headache (not an uncommon thing when spending time with the in-laws so I didn’t think much about it) so excused myself from a family outing and stayed back to watch tv and hopefully distract myself from the headache. The headache grew in intensity and suddenly I couldn’t hear the tv – or anything else for that matter. I ended up in the ER and was told that I was just stressed out as a young mother with small children. The doctor assured me that all would be fine by Monday. Well, it wasn’t. Saw a specialist and was referred to another specialist with a week stay in a major St. Louis hospital. Subjected to numerous tests including a spinal tap. Eventually I was sent home. Basically was told it’s just the way things are so accept it. Over a long time I gradually regained a little bit of my hearing. Although grateful, it was depressing because I couldn’t hear well enough to be part of conversations or enjoy tv. I adapted as best as I could. Years later I went with friends to see the Downton Abbey. I cried through most of the movie. Not because it was a tear jerker but because the combination of my hearing limitations and the British accents I didn’t understand one word said and couldn’t follow the storyline. One of the friends, a retired nurse, urged me to get hearing aids. She said there needs to be stimulation of nerves or whatever between your ears and the brain and without it hearing deteriorates more and more. So, I followed her advice. The first time after getting the hearing aids that I attended a movie I again cried throughout the movie. That time though it was tears of joy and gratitude. I was able to enjoy the movie. That was about five years ago. My hearing isn’t perfect and even wearing the hearing aids I miss some words but I can be part of conversations. I no longer feel the isolation and the desolation I once experienced. As for the vanity issue and being embarrassed about having to wear hearing aids I got over that when people mistook them for ear buds and I was considered “hip”. To anyone hesitant to get hearing aids I strongly recommend them. They are life changing.
Karen, Helen Keller once said that when people asked if she could recover either her vision or her hearing they were always surprised when she said she would choose hearing. Not being able to hear was the worst isolation imaginable. It is incomprehensible to me that none of your doctors advised hearing aids for you.
I was dragged to a hearing aid about 6 plus years ago. My left ear went deaf overnight and that was my good ear. The other was at about 75%. After it was determined the deaf ear wasn’t coming back, I bought one hearing aid. Then COVID hit, between switching off glasses, a mask and a hearing aid I just sort of didn’t wear it most times, too much $ to lose it somewhere in the shuffle. I still sort of pick and choose when to wear it since I am mostly a homebody and really don’t like to leave home. The deaf ear makes TV unfathomable, the ear drum still does funny things. My husband needs aids, but won’t get a pair. Since I love to laugh this leads to some of the best comedy routines in the house.
I really do like Harlan Coben books and my fave character is Win from the Myron Bolitar series. The book HOME was my favorite in that series. I was going, what just happened at the end? I had to reread a few thing to make sure my head was on right. A real gottcha.
My best friend from our first day in high school, age 13, and I try to go on a yearly trip. We are now 76. Last year, the first trip since we both got hearing aids, we were setting up our hotel room. I pointed out where I would be charging my hearing aids and we looked at each other and laughed so hard, it is a wonder we did not wet our pants… What’s next? We asked. Walkers – stooop. So funny. We both love having hearing aids.