Shortly before going to bed last night, I learned that my older sister, Jay, suffered a stroke the night before and is not expected to recover. She’s currently in hospice. Jay, originally Jeannie, was, as our mother would say, the second one of the first batch. The first batch, of which I’m the third, hailed from South Dakota. The second batch came from Arizona. Janice, the eldest, passed away during Covid but not of Covid.
I went to bed but not to sleep with the realization that, with my parents gone now, too, I’m losing all the people from my early childhood. I went to bed, but not to sleep. I tossed and turned thinking of all the things we shared as well as the things we didn’t. Many of those memories were music related, because our childhood home really was filled with music. When The Sound of Music came out, it made perfect sense to me because, having all those kids marching around singing together was like going back home.
We weren’t anything like the Von Trapp Family Singers, but we did sing together–while doing the dishes or yard work and also when it came time for our weekly Saturday morning round of house cleaning.
In the shoemaker’s shop
This refrain would never stop
As he tapped away
Working all the day
At his bench there was he
Just as busy as a bee
Little time to lose
With the boots and shoes
“Shoes to set my feet a-dancing, dancing
Dancing, dancing all the day
Shoes to set my feet a-dancing, dancing
Dancing all my cares away.”
Bisbee, Arizona, was a company town. Every July, the mines shut down for two weeks and everyone who worked for Phelps Dodge went on vacation. Our father didn’t work for PD, so we stayed home. During Shut Down, Janice and Jeannie often made extra spending money by watering people’s yards. One day they let me tag along, and while they were watering we sang:
There’s a lonely little robin
In the tree by my door,
And he waits for his mate
Who returns never more.
So remember, please remember,
That I’m lonely, too.
Like the lonely little robin
I’m waiting for you.
They had me sing the melody while they harmonized around that. It was my first experience in singing three-part harmony and it’s why I ended up in Girls’ Trio in high school.
We sang while we were taking car trips. Sometimes we sang the story songs our mother taught us:
Oh they cut down the old pine tree
And they hauled it away to the mill
To make a coffin of pine
For that sweetheart of mine,
They cut down the old pine tree.
But she’s not alone
In her grave tonight
Tis there my heart will ever be
Though we drifted apart
Still they cut down my heart
When they cut down the old pine tree.
Some of the songs were just for fun:
There once was a farmer who took a young miss
In back of the barn where he gave her a lecture
On horses and cattle and chickens and eggs
And told her that she had such beautiful manners
That suited a girl of her charms
A girl that he wanted to take in his
Washing and ironing and then if she did
They could get married and raise lots of
Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses.
Covered all over from head to toe,
Covered all over with sweet violets.
There are two more verses, but I think you get the picture.
And then there were songs which, when sung in harmony, were strictly comfort food:
Soft as the voice of an angel
Breathing a lesson unheard.
Hope with her gentle persuasion
Whispers her comforting words.
Wait ’til the darkness is over,
Wait ’till the tempest is done
Hope for the sunshine tomorrow
After the showers are gone.
Then when the night is upon us,
Why should our hearts sink away?
After the darkness of midnight,
Watch for the breaking of day.
Whispering hope, oh how welcome thy voice.
Making my heart in its sorrow rejoice.
It was almost four o’clock in the morning when I finally remembered that one, and that’s when I finally fell asleep. Whispering hope indeed!
My prayers are with you. ‘Hold on my child. Joy comes in the morning.’
I lost my brother 3 years ago, two months before I lost my sweet Mom. I understand how you feel right now. We were a musical family too. We always had music on until we all went to bed. Better to have Loved and Lost…. Than never to have loved at all. Hugs.
I am so sorry. “This world is not my home. I’m just a-passing through. My treasure are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.” God bless you and yours as you see your sister reach her treasure. I pray for your hearts.
Debbie Blackwell Buckley
As long as you keep the memories in your heart, she will always be there too. Prayers for your family.
Deepest sympathies. Hold on to those wonderful memories.
As an only child , I always wished I had a sister!
You were blessed..
Great blog. Thanks for sharing. Sorry about your sister.
So very dairy for your sisters stroke and your sadness. I was in tears for you reading your letter and the sadness. Keep those memories alive they will help with healing. I’ll be praying for you all. Virtual hugs
Sad to hear about your sister. Praying for you. Liked your songs.
My prayers are for your sister and surviving family.
I’ve been experiencing your thoughts, visions, memories for a few years yet the earwig keeps playing over and over again when trying to sleep. But, these days, I’m the one in the mind of others who are praying that my health remains steady before having to deal with palliative care and hospice.
Thank you for sharing your musical, memories. Though not familiar with them, they brought joy to my heart.
My most sincere condolences to you. Losing siblings is a different kind of loss.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Thank you so much for the memories of those songs I will treasure them and reflect back on them often.
So sorry for your loss. I remember both of them singing in the church choir. What memories.
My heart goes out to you. ??
Such sweet memories
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Whispering hope. You brought it back from my teen years. We had a quartet 4 girls who walked and talked and sang, and this one we got to sing in church. A Fond memory. Thank you.
Sending prayers for your sister’s comfort and peace, as well as your own.
First, let me say how sorry I am to hear that you’ve lost your older sister. As we experience losing those with whom we’ve shared so much life, it can be profoundly, sad, somewhat disconcerting, end it can also awaken wonderful memories and probably not so well wonderful ones. As I watch my younger sister disappear into confusion and dementia I am profoundly saddened. And I asked those who I shared my secrets and sorrows with pass on, I struggle between celebrating their lives and mourning, their loss in mine. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and reminding me of tap dancing in the Shoemaker shop where this reframe will never stop because it’s part of who we are. Love to you JA. Catherine
My prayers are with you Judy. I lost my only sister/sibling 3 1/2 years ago and it still hurts.
Thanks for the memories of the songs. Some of the verses I had forgotten, but I remember most of them.
Blessing to you and Bill.
I am thinking of and praying for you. I lost my parents and in-laws many years ago and my brother and I are estranged (by his choice), so I understand your feelings.
Take care
Sending you and your family prayers for comfort and peace!
Sending big hugs. When I lost my sister, it was sudden, so I had no real chance to say good-bye. Earlier I had hours with mother and days with Daddy, but they were not aware. My promise to take care of the dogs gave me greater peace than anything else. I know whatever comes next will be difficult, but I pray for you and those who loved Jay. I wish you peace and joyful memories now and in the future.
Thank you for sharing those memories with us, my mom used to sing the farmer song with my twin and I and I have song with my kids and grandkids. They think I made it up, lol. So sorry you are going thru this so even though I wish we could take away your pain just know it is the privilege of growing old to carry on and share those memories. Thanks for sharing
Thank You! This past month has been a difficult one for me as I have lost several long time friends. Whispering Hope was a song of my childhood and is bringing me comfort today.
So sorry about your sister. Memories are a blessing when we lose someone. I lost my dad 22 years ago and I cherish all the memories I have of him. When my mom passes I’ll be the matriarch of the family and that seems impossible to comprehend. When my dad passed it was hard not having one of my parents there I can’t imagine when my mom isn’t here and I have to comprehend that I have no parents here to help me when I need them. Not to mention when a sibling isn’t here.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as well as with your sister. Memories the legacy our loved ones leave us.
Very hard to lose those around you.
I am so sorry for your losses–and for the fact that your sister is now in hospice. There is a special bond that comes from singing togther, the songs and harmonies you slip back into effortlessly, picking up right from where you left off. It’s such a gift. My sisters and I sang in three-part harmony on road trips. Thank you for sharing this.
Very sad news about Jay, Since I’m the fifth sister.r45person she called me every Sunday morning at exactly 830 and we visited for a half an hour. Last Sunday she said that might be the last time we talked because she couldn’t hear me on her new T-Mobile phone.. she will be missed. I have many fond memories of growing up with the Busk family in Bisby.
Sending my love
Prayers , Positive Thoughts, Healing Light and Blessings.
We are so so sorry to hear about your sister. Terrie particularly loved the Whispering Hope song as she sang it in harmony with her two sisters. It is so hard to lose our sisters especially. Sending you hugs and love from AZ. Terrie and Janice
We are so so sorry to hear about your sister. We both have sisters and that childhood bond with sisters is such a beautiful memory. Thanks for sharing the songs. Terrie is playing Whispering Hope this morning as she used to sing it in harmony with her two sisters. Hugs and love being sent to you from AZ. Terrie and Janice
My prayers are with you. I am living with the same circumstances with my sister. I am so blessed that she and I have shared so much. It is so hard, though, losing those we love.
Prayers for you and your sister. Family is so precious.
So sad every time we loose a loved one. But so many wonderful memories.
Dear Judy, my heart is heavy with the news of Jay and her suffering, You are suffering as well. Ted’s death while in hospice is still so very raw. All I can do is pray for her and you.
Thank you for sharing those lyrics and some more tidbits of your childhood.
Ted loved music and as he was leaving our house for the last time, the funeral home driver played Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. I’m sure he heard it and was smiling while figuratively tapping his foot.
Jay’s stroke, coming so soon after Bill’s brother’s death is almost unbearable. Yes, we can say, be strong and this too shall pass, and it will, but the moment by moment of this is painful. I know.
Sorry about your sister but the songs looked as if they were great
Whispering Hope was my mother’s favorite hymn, and we played it at her funeral. Thanks so much for reminding me of it. Hope and love to you and your family!
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts are with you Judy.
Your memories are precious. What a wonderful musical family you were and are part of. What a fun way to do your chores and road trips.
Did you sing any of these songs to your kids or grandkids?
I don’t recognize any of those songs but if you think of it on another blog, maybe you could tell us the names of those songs. I would love to look them up, if possible, and hear what they sound like.
Take care. Have Dan go easy on you on Monday.
If you google each of the first lines, you’ll find the lyrics.
Thank you for the lyrics of the songs you sang with your sisters. I remember the last “book talk” you gave at the Burbank library branch near me when you charmed my husband with them. He admired your “Bill who writes the checks”,too. But the last song on your blog this morning brought back memories from about 1948 when I was two. My parents were establishing married life after my father’s return from the South Pacific. They had put $100 down and purchased a former railroad “shack” near the round house in Enid, Oklahoma. It had two rooms, cold water from city pipes in the kitchen sink, and an outhouse connected to the new sewer system outback near the alley. The radio was still broadcasting “dawn to dusk.” At night when they pulled out the roll-away bed from the kitchen corner and tucked in my older sister and I, our father would pick up his guitar and our mom would sit at the ancient upright piano. They would play hymns and sing us to sleep. “Whispering Hope” is the last song they sang which would put me to sleep. I was sure that if I snuggled down in the covers, I could hear angels. Sure enough, when the darkness was over, there was sunshine. That song still provides comfort and hope after my husband’s death. Thank you for sharing.
So sorry you are losing Jay. You had some amazing adventures in your wonderful family. To be honest, I miss having a family but it happens. I do have my fictional families which sustain me. We have 6″ of fresh snow, always welcome, and still snowing.
So sorry you are losing Jay. You had some amazing adventures in your wonderful family. To be honest, I miss having a family but it happens. I do have my fictional families which sustain me. We have 6″ of fresh snow, always welcome, and still snowing.
At 88, dear ones are fewer and fewer … cherishing my good fortune for the many exceptional people who came into my life.
This is the most joyous tale of you and your sisters. Thank you. I am so sorry for this great loss.
I am sorry to hear about your sister. I have one sister and I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. On the sleep front, though, Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea with a lump of crystallized ginger has been working for me. Hope your week goes well and thank you for writing your books and sending these emails.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I lost my last family member, my only sibling and much younger brother, a year ago.
I hate the inevitability of death and the resulting loss of those we love.
Wishing I could have heard your 3 part harmonies. But how wonderful that you can hear them in your memories.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and as always, I am grateful for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. We all are in similar situations, Our loved ones, like ourselves, are destined for mortality. However, if our luck or fate runs… we will not suffer, have a short but quality experience with family and loved ones and promise that this life is just a “so-long” and not a forever good bye. In honor of this Good Friday and Easter, May we always remember the sacrifice that Jesus gave us for eternal salvation and eternal life. That means we will all be united again with no pain or strife. I thank you for your candor and eloquence of words to teach your readers of love, caring and kindness for each other and forgiveness.
God bless you and yours during this difficult time. Sincerely, Sue Dant
Hugs.
So very sorry to hear about your sister and praying that hospice can help provide a relatively painless exit for her when the time comes. Also praying for your well being during this time of grief.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I too come from a large family and I relate to yours every time I read one of your stories. I am the last one still kicking from my immediate family and it does get lonely not having any one to share some of those moments with. But, like you, I still have lots of fantastic memories.
I was sorry to learn your sister, Janice, passed away. I went to school with her. Please accept my condolences for your loss.
In friendship,
Kathy
The only comfort I can offer is that you have hundreds, if not thousands, of empathetic readers. Our hearts go out to you.
My condolences and a prayer is in my heart!
Your favorite Northern Arizona Stalker
Hugs Dann
I’m so glad that you shared this. May your memories of growing up with your sister bring comfort and peace. God’s blessings and love be with you and keep you strong. ? ?
What wonderful songs and memories. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you during this difficult time.
I remember my Grandmother, in her 80’s, bemoaning the fact that all her friends were gone. Now that I’m there, I finally understand how she felt. Being a survivor has it’s drawbacks. We are part of the “1%” – those that are still here and born between 1930 and 1948. Not easy, but grateful, too.
Wonderful Bible verses!
John 3:16
Acts 4:11-14
Romans 10:9,10
Praying for your sister and you.
Dear Judy, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear sister. Keeping you and her family in my thoughts and in my heart! Best wishes. . .
Did you see the blog post about Sophia Kaluznaicki? Pima Hall girls rule!
As an only child I will never experience the sadness of losing a sibling, but will also not have a treasure box of wonderful memories to buoy you. So sorry for your loss. Hugs
I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. Positive thoughts, hugs and prayers being sent your way. I lost my very good friend to a stroke last night and found out this morning that another friend had a stroke on the 3rd two days after we all had lunch. She is the youngest of our group turning 70 next month. My heart goes out to you during this very difficult time. Peace and comfort.
Great memories!
They say siblings have the best harmony!
Thinking of you all.??
Well, sorry, I guess the picture emojis don’t go through.
Anyway, take care. Wish we could keep the good ones forever.
Praying for comfort and strength as you navigate the grief process.
Go see your sister & sing her those wonderful songs! She will appreciate it especially if she is awake! Even if she isn’t, sing for her.