First a word of apology. If any of you are planning on attending an event at the Redmond Public Library today, it doesn’t exist. That was listed in error, and as soon as the mistake was noted, we said so on the schedule. Believe me, I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Better luck next time for all of us.
Yesterday, Bill wanted to know what this week’s blog would be about, and I told him I had no idea. For one thing, I was finishing the editorial letter corrections for By Reason of Insanity. It’s a good book, but it’s about to undergo a name change. When I came up with the idea more than forty years ago, it seemed like a great title. Turns out, in the intervening years, several other authors arrived at that same conclusion. As a result, my By Reason of Insanity is about to become something else, but at this point I don’t know what. It’s a baby without a name.
So today, with the soon to be former BROI in the hands of my editors, I went out to get my daily steps by walking laps around the pool deck. Fall is coming on in Seattle, so over the last few days I’ve seen several creepy-crawly slugs outside, a number of which, for no apparent reason, have determinedly set out to cross my walking path—at a snail’s pace, as it were.
As soon as I saw one today, my head immediately sent me down a rabbit hole of all those age-old jokes about “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Why were the slugs crossing the pool deck?
As I said, it’s fall. Those fat, brown, slow-moving slugs bear an uncommon resemblance to fallen brown leaves, so as I set out, I gave myself a talking-to, telling my walking self to “keep my eyes peeled.” I’ve inadvertently stepped on one of those on occasion, and removing a deceased slug from the bottom of my Skechers is almost as difficult as getting rid of doggie-you-know-what!
As soon as those words about “keeping my eyes peeled” came to mind I asked myself, where did that term come from? Presumably it means keeping your eyes wide open, which I did, but that little mental trip reminded me of my mother. She was full of songs and funny little verses which could send us kids into gales of laughter.
“Ain’t we crazy” included a verse about
“While the organ peeled potatoes
Lard was rendered by the choir
While the sexton rang the dishrag
Someone set the church on fire
“Holy smoke” the preacher shouted
As his wig flew in the air.
Now his head resembles heaven
For there is no parting there.
And then there was the one that went this way:
“Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand
Or beat on the drum of your ear?
Can the calf in your leg eat the corn on your toe?
Then why not raise corn on the ear?
Those are thoughts that ran through my mind when I was puzzling over the need to keep my eyes peeled.
Then I began considering about what purpose slugs serve in the greater universe, so I came inside and looked them up. As far as I can tell, slugs don’t really serve a higher purpose. They exist. They reproduce. They have thousands of tiny teeth which they use to devour rotting vegetation which makes them good additions to compost heaps, but with thousands of teeth, I suppose we should all be thankful that they aren’t any larger than they are. The sticky trails they leave everywhere they go mark their territory telling other slugs that a particular area is already fully occupied.
Which, as far as I can tell, is pretty much all you need to know about slugs other than to try to keep from stepping on them.
By now you’re probably wondering, “If this is the way her mind works, with one thing leading to another, how the hell does J.A. Jance write books?”
Trust me, I’m wondering the same thing. But now, I think I’ll be a slug-abed and go take a nap.
I love how your brain works. I often interrupt myself in mid-sentence with another thought?
Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning!
I love your stream of consciousness way of writing today. It reminds me of someone I know very well, myself being that someone. I love also that you remember your mother’s expressions. I use my mother’s expressions all the time, it’s one of the ways language builds on itself. I love language and I enjoy reading your weekly foray into your writing and life. Thank you very much. Sometimes that’s all we need to do is trust that we have whatever needs to be said right on the tip of our town. Who knows? I think it’s better than being so guarded and structured that you never have any fun
“Keep your eyes peeled.” Origin is appropriate for a mystery writer: Robert Peel started British police system.
Too clever! I love the sayings. Perhaps you should start a collection of those!
‘Just cause a cat has kittens in the oven don’t make’em biscuits!’ Granny Masters
Re your new book- why not simply
“Insanity???”
Believe I read most of your books & I thank you.
I haven’t seen a slug in years, but now and then one would appear on the ground near the back door. They were a bother on tomato plants in the garden and I have no idea how it could get to the back door. I’d heard you should put out a flat dish with beer in it. They would crawl in and die happy. I never tried that as decided it was a waste of beer.
My husband used beer and lids for our slugs for years, then he would fed them to the fish and turtles (outside!). Recycling at it’s finest. 🙂
And that is the reason that i always look forward to Friday morning
My suggestion for cleaning squashed slug off the bottom of shoes is salt – road or table, what ever is easy, scrubbed in with a rag and then rinsed off after a few minutes. For the slugs we have here the salt dissolves them and they rinse right off.
Ceci
Actually, what I wondered as I finished reading your blog was “Do ALL writers’ minds work like a butterfly on steroids with hiccups??”
That’s how I’ve described my own writing process when I’ve done the Rabbit Hole Diversion! Glad to know I’m in good company!!
Started my day off with a laugh.
Oops, just pre-ordered Den Of Iniquity in paperback and BROI in hardback. She couldn’t find it, and now she never will. Guess I will call her back when we have a new name…however, I love the name as is.
Sasha say’s “hi” to you all.
Your mind works just fine. If it doesn’t, and we love your writing, what does that say about us?
Your mother and my mother inhabited the same universe with catchy rhymes. 🙂 Keep up the good work.
Incidentally, thanks for the new Beau book – loved it…can’t wait for the next one
Boy I needed that chuckle today after the last two days of Helene induced stress here on the Florida Gulf Coast. We are fine where we are about 4 miles in from the bay but all around us people closer to the water got flooded out bad. As my Jimmy Buffet says, Just another Shitty Day In Paradise 😉
Thank you for a wonderful start to my day!
Thank you for the LOL time this morning! I needed it as I start a busy day on less than enough sleep for the last few nights, which is also because of you!
I finished Den of Iniquity at around 1 a.m. today. DOI is a wonderfully fast-paced book (typical of you, BTW) with a satisfying ending for the main plot and a totally heartwarming ending for the secondary one. I love the intergenerational connections that are made; that part is a life lesson for all of us, packaged with a gripping story. Bravo, once again!
LOL I’ve also always wondered what good slugs are. Escargot in drag? You are a riot, JA. <3
My wife and I love you for writings. They especially helped use through the pandemic. We look forward to Friday mornings for your blog. They are informative, insightful, fun, and down to earth entertaining. Today’s checks all the boxes!
Hopefully what was left of the slug came off of your Sketchers easily.
Hope you have a good weekend.
Sounds like your mind was all over the place on this walk. Good luck with coming up with a new name–can’t wait to see what it is.
Thanks again for the laughter! I love the way your mind works
Thanks for a good laugh on an otherwise stressful morning.
Thanks for the info on slugs, its also very hard and gross! to remove a half eaten one from a toddlers mouth……
My Mother used to sing a song
A smile is such a funny thing, it wrinkles up your face
and when its gone you’ll never know its secret
hiding place.
She said she learned it in 1st grade way back in the 1930s.
A delight today! My mind was wandering also and your little slugfest of a question as to what those slimy little guys are good for hit the spot! To be folder for a late summer day of laying in the hammock on the back porch.
Thank you, may your last days of summer be as prefect.
Thanks for sharing the verses. I needed a chuckle.
I love it! As a native Washingtonian and avid gardener, I completely agree. I go out of my way to save spiders and many other bugs, but slugs beware. I go on a daily walk about through my garden on a slug hunt. They don’t stand a chance when I come through.
I love your books and your blogs. Stay safe and don’t slip on any slimy slugs.
I loved today’s piece. I love your Mother’s sayings. I also sometimes wonder where they come from and what they mean. My brother had one ” my face, I’m behind it, so I don’t mind it, tiz the fellow in front gets the jar!”
Ah, one of your best blog posts! I needed some humor to complete my day. I don’t know how you do it……..but DO keep writing those books! I love every minutes of your blocks and books!
Loved the blog and the comments left by others! Great pick-me up for a chilly morning. Can’t wait to read Beau’s next story.
My mother helped me my children taking care of them while I worked. One of her sayings when the kids were under foot was “go milk a duck”. They often talk about. Read your blog every week and have read all your books so far.
You have an amazing mind.
Your ending reminded me of a poem we used to tell our kids when they were little. I don’t know what children’s poetry book it was in.
Slug-a-bed slug-a-bed, barley butt.
Your bum is so heavy you can’t get up.