That Never Happened to Me Before in My Whole Life

By the mid-seventies, although my divorce was still several years in the future, I had two kids under the age of five and was embarking on my new life as a single mother.  I was living in Arizona.  I had managed to pay cash for a used 14 X 70 mobile home which was parked on what we called my parents’ “back forty” on Border Road in Bisbee Junction.  (Border Road was a much safer place back then than it is now, but that’s a whole other story.)

I had a job selling life insurance under the best possible circumstances—my immediate supervisor, my District Manager, was two hundred miles away in Phoenix.  Through a set of circumstances that still seem miraculous to me, I had a wonderful babysitter—Dolores Decker.  I would stay home doing paperwork in the mornings, looking after the kids while I did so.  Then, after meeting up with my parents for forenoon coffee at the Doughnut Shop, I’d hand the kids off to Dolores and go to work.  I had both my parents and Dolores as backup. ( How my daughter has done everything on her own is something that I marvel at every day.)

The mines had already shut down by then, so my clients weren’t in Bisbee so much as they were scattered all over Cochise County.  If you’ve read my Joanna Brady books, you know it’s a big place—80 miles square.  If I had evening appointments in Willcox or Sierra Vista or Benson or Douglas, I’d have to drive home once the appointment ended, all of which made for my getting home late at night.  Once I did, it would take a while to unwind before I could go to sleep.

My kids—who went to bed at a reasonable hour—were early risers.  I was not.  It pains me to admit that I often left them under the watchful eye of Captain Kangaroo for half an hour or so while I got myself work wise.  (My daughter, who always gives me high marks on the quality of my mothering skills when she was little, has obviously forgotten the Captain Kangaroo era!)

One evening when I came home, Dolores reported that earlier in the afternoon when she put the kids down for naps, she found my daughter playing nurse with her younger brother and handing out baby vitamins.  As a reasonably responsible mother, I kept the medications on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet—well out of the children’s reach, or so I thought.  What I neglected to realize was that, with the help of a handy kitchen stool, my daughter could clamber up onto the kitchen counter and from there, reaching the vitamins was a snap.

What to do?  I didn’t want to endanger my kids, but I still wanted to get my beauty sleep.  I went to bed and thought about it for a while.  Then I got back up and went back to the kitchen.  There I located a light-weight metal pot lid and put that inside the kitchen cabinet in question with the lid leaning against the inside of the door.  The next morning, I was dead to the world when the pot lid clattered into the kitchen sink.  By the time I stormed out of the bedroom, demanding to know what was going on, my daughter was out of the kitchen entirely.  I found her huddling in a corner of the living room saying the words, “That never happened to me before in my whole life.”  

And it never happened to her again, either.  I kept the pot lid there for weeks, and it caught me unawares more than once, but my daughter was permanently cured.

I’m writing this in Coos Bay, Oregon, where I’m doing a series of four library presentations for local Friends of the Library groups.  It’s a six and a half hour drive from Seattle to Coos Bay.  On the way down we stopped off at the Thirsty Lion Pub in Portland to have a bite of lunch.  I ordered an appetizer of Tahini meatballs and an order of roasted Brussels sprouts.  My mother would have been astonished at the very idea!  She was never able to get me to eat a Brussels sprout on a bet, but then she never cooked them the way I like them—with a good char all around.

For dinner, once we arrived here, I ordered the prime rib.  Let me tell you, I was lusting after that “fully loaded” baked potato.  Dan, our trainer, says no matter how much you exercise you “can’t outrun your fork.”  What I’m trying to do is teach my fork to make better choices.  Instead of the potato, I ordered sautéed spinach with slivered almonds, and I left the restaurant feeling like I’d done a good job.

While we’re in Coos Bay, we’re staying at the Mill Hotel and Casino.  On the backside of the building is a long boardwalk—part board and part pavers. A  round trip from one end of the boardwalk to the other with an additional circle in the far parking lot adds up to a 1400 step lap.  It’s cool and overcast today.   Yesterday it was clear and sunny.  When I went out to walk, I wore a bright red shell and an equally bright red visor that my daughter and granddaughters gave me for Mother’s Day the year we all went to Europe.  (I confess, the visor had languished for a couple of years in an unopened compartment in an under-used piece of Roll-Aboard luggage, and I only found it when we were packing to come here.)

As I went striding up and down the boardwalk two different people, complete strangers, told me how terrific I looked.  I was thunderstruck.  As a kid I was always the Ugly Duckling.  I was the tall, gawky girl in pig-tails who wore thick glasses and who couldn’t catch a ball of any kind.  Ever.

To have two complete strangers tell me that on the same day when I’m verging on age 72?  Well, to quote my daughter, “That never happened to me before in my whole life.”

Oh, and before I sat down to write this blog, I finished today’s ten thousand steps.

Walk on!!  

16 thoughts on “That Never Happened to Me Before in My Whole Life

  1. Interesting and funny! Keep up the walking as it is the best exercise and its free!

  2. What a thrill that must have been. Every one of those steps has been worth it.

  3. I love your books, and your blogs. And now you have motivated me to walk. I am pushing 63 and sit at work (and home) and needed a change. But when I started walking I realized that 10,000 steps is 4 miles! I am doing 1 to 1.5, and have hit two once. It just makes me hungry (and I am addicted to sugar) so I’m trying to change snack habits. I am only 15 lbs overweight (that never happend to me in my whole life) but I can’t seem to drop any of it. How long did it take you to work up to 10,000 steps and does it really take that many to see results?

  4. It took several weeks. Leaving sugar behind has been challenging. For a snack try peanuts. When we have raspberries and cream, I put a half teaspoon of brown sugar style Splenda in the mix.

  5. I just quoted your trainer to my husband. He knew whose black g this quote came from. He said, “Must be Joanna Brady’s boss.”.

    Congrats on looking so good and feeling better!

  6. Are you kidding? A tall lady with bright eyes, sparkling white hair, dressed in red and striding along with purpose? Undeniably a knockout. I’m off for a walk in the park today to take advantage of the beautiful weather. Happy writing, happy steps.

  7. Kicking butt & taking names! ?
    (I’m pretty sure Bill would remind you that you’re beautiful!!)

  8. I appreciated your comment about Brussels sprouts. My mother used to boil them till they were soggy and mushy to bite which I NEVER wanted to do since they were home grown and had little worms in them!! This was in the days of “cleaning” one’s plate, so I always washed them down whole with swallows of milk and just hoped for the best!! I’m glad that you are visiting here in our co-joined towns.

  9. Love your daughter’s quote.
    Yes, you looked terrific in Mesa wearing black with a drop-dead gorgeous statement necklace.
    When my hair decided to give up its color I received many compliments on the new color. Like I’d bought it. Never happened before in my whole life. Win, win. Cheap, too.
    You might want to check the sq mi of Cochise Co. 80 sq mi.? No big deal.
    Walk on. (Gosh, that’s a song.)
    Lorna

  10. No potatoes and no bread. Lost over 40 pounds since January 2015, I am 81 and walking is my main exercise. But it is giving up the sweets and starches that got the pounds off. Fill up on salads, veggies, nuts, proteins, fruit in moderation. Love your books! Just finished Dance of the Bones. Please keep them coming!

  11. Brussels sprouts are a favorite of mine, but they have to be very young and cooked right. I love them with a splash of red wine vinegar. You are verging on 72; I’m verging on 82, but I go walking every morning–wearing a white visor, to keep out the Arizona sun. People sometimes tell me that I’m beautiful, and I think that I would like to have heard that as a teenager. I doubt you were ugly, as you thought you were.
    I like your solution to the night cabinet raider; I wish I had thought of that, when my kids were little. Thank God, they never killed each other.

    • We grew Brussels sprouts years ago. We soaked them in salt water which made the worms come out. I usually sprinkle a bit of Parmesan cheese on them.

  12. Wow, here I am contemplating that whole no sugar, start walking thing and this pops up on my facebook feed.
    Great post! You’ve inspired.

  13. I am so proud of you. You said Bill was walking with you. Proud of him also.
    Back in the day there was a TV show titled The Kids Say the darkest thing with Art Linkletter.My granddaughter has such a sense of humor and she is only 6.I tell my daughter she would have made the show.
    I loved watching (lol) Captain Kangaroo. My daughter would watch and I would doze. Best babysitter in the world . I thought that I was the smartest and best Mom ever. However I never told my Mom. She had a different opinion. Lol..
    Your staying at a beautiful spot in Oregon, enjoy it. We always had a grand time there. See you next week , be safe and enjoy the seafood. I think I miss the seafood most in the Pacific Northwest..Jan

  14. Red must be your color! Since I met you in Nashville, TN., I can understand how you get your many comments. I think you are a beautiful woman! It has only been since my divorce, on 08/14/2014, that I see myself as a lovely woman! With my new wardrobe & freedom, I walk taller, head up, making eye contact, & nodding to those who acknowledge me. How good it feels.
    FYI-I am really enjoying your book of poetry, that I purchased, you signed, & even read a portion of that night!

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