Do you remember the words from that old song, Leaving on a Jet Plane? It’s an old Peter, Paul, and Mary number sung by someone who has to go off on tour, leaving loved ones back home. It doesn’t matter what kind of tour it is—military tour of duty, book tour, touring musicians, or just someone who has to travel for work—it’s always tough when you have to pack your bags and head off to faraway places when the one who means the most to you in all the world is left behind at home.
Since Bill re-injured his back several years ago—complicating an injury that was already fifty or so years old—that has been our situation. When it came time to go on book tour, I went and he stayed home. He may have been at home in a familiar, comforting place, with a loyal dog or dogs for company, but it wasn’t a time of carefree kicking back and dozing out on the patio. It was a time of eating alone and sleeping alone, something neither of us signed on for.
In the meantime, I was out on the road, doing two or three presentations a day—and gaining energy and emotional charges from my audiences’ reactions, but once the adrenaline faded? So did I. And when I’d return to the hotel, I’d be a goner, but could I sleep? Generally not until the wee hours of the morning, regardless of time zone.
Doing the performances AND driving my own cars was clearly not recommended, so for the past several years either my son or my daughter-in-law have stepped up to “drive Miss Daisy” on tour. I had them to make the Garmin work and to trouble-shoots problems with venues like missing microphones or semi-stalker fans. Let’s just say that, for women of a certain age, being on tour all by your lonesome is NOT a good idea.
Over time, as Bill’s back got worse and worse, and we BOTH became more and more sedentary, which is why our starting to do our “step program” a year ago in April was so important. At first Bill could only manage a max of 2000 steps a day, resting every two hundred steps or so, and using a cane to help maintain his balance as he shuffled along like a little old guy. It would be specious to say that his back pain has magically disappeared. It has not, but he has learned to manage it. With the help of a trainer, his muscle structure has improved enough so he can support his back better, and that, in turn, lessens the pain. Being sixty-plus pounds lighter also makes a huge difference in the back pain department. These days, he’s still a “little old guy,” but when he steps out, he strides off as though he means it—without a cane in sight.
Last year he was depressed, and he was all about figuring out how I’d get along without him. All I can say is, “What a difference a year makes!”
This year he’s on tour with me. He understands the things that drive me nuts, and after thirty-plus years of marriage, he has some well-honed strategies for talking me down from my tree. The tour is as grueling as ever … well, wait, maybe not quite as grueling—only one or two events a day so far rather than three. But between events, we’re in the car together saying, remember when: Remember when we went to the B. Dalton’s off that exit? Remember when that piece of tire flew up from a passing truck and slammed into the front end of the car? Remember when we stopped at that long dead restaurant for lunch, and isn’t that the Denny’s where the DEA took down a bunch of drug dealers in the parking lot while we were having dinner?
It’s wonderful to be on the road sharing close to a lifetime’s worth of “remember whens” back and forth across the front seat and listening to familiar music on our favorite Serius channel, Escape. They only play orchestral arrangements of songs, but that doesn’t matter a bit, at least not to us, because we happen to know most of the words, anyway. And if we do forget some of the lyrics? No problem, we can always Google the song on our iPhone.
This year we arrived in Phoenix on Sunday night only to discover that our favorite hotel had been “reimagined” and remodeled by some hip person who has no concept that when you’re on tour what you really want is something old school and familiar. Maybe I’m only speaking for myself here—maybe there are plenty of people who want to go into the bathroom first thing in the morning and find a painting of a shark hanging on a clothes pin over the toilet. It just happens that I am NOT one of those people.
After a single night, we removed ourselves from that once-beloved and now “too hip” hotel to one that is … well … relatively frumpy by comparison, but one with comfortable seating for more than one person in the room; one where the bath mats don’t have the admonishing words, “clean up your act” printed on them; one where a room service meal comes on an actual tray rather than in a paper bag! (As I checked out of the hipster hotel in high dudgeon on Monday morning rather than staying the remaining three nights, I was assured that I could have had a plate with room service if I had wanted one. You know what? I assumed that plates came with room service food automatically without my having to make a special request.
But here’s the best part, Bill and I are together on this adventure. I wasn’t calling him from the hotel, whining because things weren’t to my liking when there wasn’t a single thing he could do from back home to fix whatever was the matter. We left the hotel, we found a place that wasn’t black-hole dining to have a good breakfast, and then we sat in a comfortable lobby elsewhere until it was time to check into the new hotel, where, I might add, I’m sleeping like a baby.
That’s what our year of playing what our grandson, Colt, likes to call the “step game” together has done for us. It’s made Bill well enough to come drive Miss Daisy on the Clawback tour. It has given us this time and these many adventures together—good, bad, or indifferent.
Sort of like marriage where it says, “for better or for worse.”
This is definitely for better.
Glad to hear that Bill is back on tour. I always enjoyed talking with him. Sorry I missed you at the Poisoned Pen. I’ll try to plan my frequent trips to the valley around you appearences ??
Hooray for the step game! It is truly a life changer.
So sorry you will not be in St. Louis this tour. I am looking forward to reading more about the tour.
What a wonderful gift you have given yourselves. By getting yourselves healthy and walking you are giving yourselves a much longer and happier life.
I love a road trip with my husband. I do all the driving .(with help of course) HE is the operator of the navigation system. We been together 46 years so we are in sync, well kinda. Sometimes he helps a lot louder than he used to.
Enjoy your road trip . I am trying to get my back up and walking so someday I will beat your 10,000 steps. You two are a inspiration to me.. Have fun on this trip… Jan
I loved this story. It is down to earth and I can feel the love for your husband and home in it.
Yup, back issues are a very real pain. I’ve had mine reconstructed and I’m frequently reminded that you don’t get to go back to “original specs” with this sort of thing. Physical therapy exercises must be a permanent part of my daily routine, and of course it’s difficult for me to take care of Me. But I’ve also got to keep theoretically running to stay in place — or shuffling, in my current case — and the example and testimony of your and Bill’s year is a good example for what I can achieve. I hope.
Congratulations, you two.
Love your blogs and so glad you and Bill are together on the road. My Bill and I had a few travels together before Multiple Myeloma took him away. Those memories are precious.kj
Beautiful blog, full of so many memories, especially the ‘remember whens’… It’s always the beautiful song/video by Alan Jackson that tugs at all my past, fond memories of times gone by. Check it out if you’re not familiar with it. You won’t be disappointed.
https://youtu.be/TTA2buWlNyM
That “step game” is for real. You wrote about walking in circles in your back yard to get your steps in…now I walk laps in my house when the weather is bad, as it consistently has been in the greater Seattle area for weeks. Thanks for the inspiration and I can’t wait to read the new book! Adding it to my Goodreads list right now.
Love these posts almost as much as I love the books. How inspiration and how wonderful to know there are other couples out there like us – we just like to be together whatever we are doing.
This is a bit off topic, but yesterday at Nancy Reagan’s funeral a passage from the Bible about a good woman was read. It is Proverbs 31:10-31. I thought of you as I read it. More on this later.
You and your husband are such an inspiration to me! I know you are a busy lady and I know it makes me feel special to read your blogs and be a part of your life! I love your books as well. I wish I could make it to one of your signing’s, but unfortunately I am still one of the working people in the Mesa area and can’t get to the places you are during the week! Maybe next year!
I’m so glad Bill is back on the road with you and improving.
Take care,
CJ Vermote
Thumbs up to/for Bill 🙂
And say hi to him from me?
Thank you for the book Clawback!
It was a pleasure meeting you and your Husband at the Green Valley Joyner Library.
What a surprise when I saw the table set up for a book signing.
My first attempt at commenting on your Blog failed so here I go again.
I’m hooked on your Mystery Books, as well as “After the Fire”, which really hit close to home. My Father was an Alcoholic and I was the only family member that he would listen to when it came time to go home. I really got it, thanks for publishing it!
Bob
Just finished Clawback! That was my day yesterday – Clawback!! I could not put it down. Thank you for another wonderful book!
This is truly wonderful stuff and news, says an old lady whose back isn’t working right.
Finally read “After The Fire”(I’d read everything else you had written) You are such a sweet Lady, found it hard to believe you had gone thru all that & came out on the side of happy- since I have been blessed of being married to a Wonderful man 50 years. So happy you have your Bill 🙂
I grew up in Arizona so your books bring those areas to life for me.
Hope you come to Boise or Meridian, ID.