It’s Bill’s and my 28th wedding anniversary this week.  When trading stamps were in vogue, my mother, Evie, cast her lot with Gold Bond Stamps.  The other things she collected with absolute devotion were Betty Crocker Coupons.  When Bill and I got married, my parents’ gift to us turned out to be two service-for-twelve sets of Oneida stainless silverware purchased with the aid of those Betty Crocker coupons which were always lurking in the back of my mother’s silverware drawer.

I spent years trying to find silverware holders that would accommodate all that silverware without the top layer flying out of the container whenever the silverware drawer was opened.  Whenever we’ve remodeled a kitchen which we’ve done SEVERAL times, I’ve insisted on designing in a special silverware, drawer with drawer deep wooden inserts.  That construction means every piece of silverware has a whole drawer section all its own. I also insist that the silverware drawer be a wide one.  That design means the back of the drawer contains two long sections that are devoted entirely to serving pieces, one for forks and another for spoons.

Here’s where math comes in.  Two sets of service for twelve adds up to service for 24.  Max.

As our family expanded with weddings and grand-kids, holiday meals became more complicated.  At one fateful meal, when it was time to sit down, I had set the table beautifully, but because my count was off, we were one place setting short.  It was a round table, so it wasn’t that complicated to reallocate space and add one more place setting.  Not complicated, but VERY embarrassing.

Since then, Cindy, the banker in the family, has become my official place setting auditor.  Before it’s time for everyone to sit down, she makes sure there are enough place settings to go around.

Last Sunday was Liljulaften.  My guest count was 23.  When it was time to set tables, I grabbed Marcus, the newest member of the group who is a granddaughter’s twenty-something boyfriend.  With him in tow, I set off in full Evie Busk mode to give him a lesson in table setting.  I had tables.  I had chairs.  I had holiday tablecloths. I had matching napkins.  I was putting down napkins with wild abandon and directing Marcus on where to place the forks when the auditor, with the enthusiastic help of everyone in the living room, announced that the number was  27, not my paltry 23.

I went into full melt-down-but-coping mode.  I marched Marcus outside where we dried off one of the patio tables and a set of accompanying chairs.  I went inside and unearthed another holiday tablecloth and suitable but non-matching napkins.  All the while I was setting up a fourth table in the family room, I was also beating myself up.  How had this happened.  With 27 guests I knew without going back to the silverware drawer that I was three forks short.  I finally determined that there was only one thing to do–set the little kids’ place settings with salad forks.

And then, with things fairly well under control, finally, there came a final count from the auditor and her audience in the living room.  Everyone helping helping with the count had messed things up.  It really was 23 guests rather than 27!  Whew!!

I happily removed four place settings, ditched the tablecloth that didn’t exactly blend, and gave the little kids full sized forks.  The auditor was embarrassed, of course.  I told her no problem.  After all the times she’s saved my bacon through the years, I could hardly hold one mistake against her.

But here’s the deal.  If the guest list next time ends up verging on that dicey 23/24 or more count, we’ll be using plastic silverware because, as far as I know, Betty Crocker is out of business.

ps:  I’ve written a guest blog for XOXO After the Dark, for their Thriller Week, with my take on writing and reading a series.  I hope you enjoy!  XOXO After the Dark.

pss:  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!