{"id":1688,"date":"2018-10-19T06:00:40","date_gmt":"2018-10-19T13:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/?p=1688"},"modified":"2018-10-17T13:56:58","modified_gmt":"2018-10-17T20:56:58","slug":"promises-kept","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/2018\/10\/19\/promises-kept\/","title":{"rendered":"Promises Kept"},"content":{"rendered":"

My husband Bill, my second husband\u2014the good one\u2014who is currently recovering (successfully) from back surgery, has often said the following:\u00a0 “With you there are no short stories\u2014only long stories.”\u00a0 And that\u2019s the case today, so buckle up, my friends, you\u2019re in for a ride.<\/p>\n

In the late seventies and early eighties, I lived in Phoenix while working in the insurance industry.\u00a0 Those years constituted the darkest time in my marriage to my first husband, a man who died of chronic alcoholism at age 42, a year and a half after I divorced him.\u00a0 I often drove from appointment to appointment, wrestling with the idea of staying in my marriage or leaving it.\u00a0 If I left, would I be able to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table?\u00a0 Since those were questions with no easy answers, I often listened to music as a distraction, most especially music that spoke to where I was in life:<\/p>\n

Gordon Lightfoot:<\/p>\n

Cobwebs and dust, cobwebs and dust,<\/p>\n

I hate to leave you, but leave you I must.<\/p>\n

Helen Reddy:<\/p>\n

I am woman hear me roar<\/p>\n

In numbers to big to ignore.<\/p>\n

And Janis Ian, I loved all of her heartbreaking lyrics:<\/p>\n

In the winter extra blankets for the cold, Fix the heater getting old, I am wiser now I know but still as big a fool Concerning you.<\/p>\n

But the song of hers that spoke to me the most, both then and now, is her iconic ballad, At Seventeen.\u00a0 For a girl who was six feet tall in seventh grade, who had feet the local shoe salesman called \u201cgunboats,\u201d who wore glasses, and who was smart, middle school and high school were both nothing short of hell on earth.\u00a0 Like the girl in Janis\u2019s song, I was one of the girls for whom Valentines never came and “whose name was never called when choosing sides for basketball.\u201d\u00a0 As a perpetual outsider, I felt a real kinship with those words and with the artist singing them.\u00a0 I remember telling people that I felt as though Janis Ian and I had walked \u201cin the same moccasins.\u201d<\/p>\n

These days that\u2019s probably considered an outrageous example of \u201ccultural misappropriation,” but after spending five years of my life working and teaching on a reservation, I think I\u2019ve earned the right to say that.\u00a0 And if you disagree?\u00a0 That\u2019s perfectly fine, just don\u2019t be disagreeable about it.<\/p>\n

But I digress.\u00a0 Fast forward a couple of decades.\u00a0 When I started writing and doing presentations at book signings, I often ended by singing that song \u201cAt Seventeen.\u201d\u00a0 It closes with these heartfelt words:<\/p>\n

Dreams were all they gave for free<\/p>\n

To ugly duckling girls like me.<\/p>\n

I end my presentations with that song because those words are incredibly true for me.\u00a0 The dream of becoming a writer was all I had back in those tough \u201cold days,\u201d\u00a0 and my readers\u2014my very loyal readers\u2014are the people who have made that dream come true.<\/p>\n

So now we fast-forward a couple of decades.\u00a0 It was 2008.\u00a0 Bill\u2019s much needed and previously scheduled bi-lateral knee replacement surgery suddenly got moved from August to June, and that was a good thing, except there was a conflict.\u00a0 On the day he was supposed to be transferred from the hospital to rehab, I was supposed to be in Boise, Idaho, as the keynote speaker for a writer\u2019s conference\u2014a date that had been set in stone more than a year earlier.<\/p>\n

At the hospital I told my daughters, \u201cI\u2019m going to call the conference, tell them my husband is in the hospital, and I can\u2019t come.\u201d\u00a0 And what did my daughters say?\u00a0 \u201cNo, mom. You gave your word.\u00a0 You go to the conference and keep your promise.\u00a0 We\u2019ll look after dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let me say here that is it especially provoking when your kids suddenly grow up and start spouting back all the things you tried to teach them.\u00a0 So muttering under my breath, I shaped up, flew to Boise, and did the keynote at noon on Saturday, ending with singing At Seventeen.\u00a0 I thought that was the end of it, but it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 On Sunday night when I was back home, I opened my computer and there was a message from Janis Ian.\u00a0 \u201cHey,\u201d she said, \u201cI heard you sang my song in Boise yesterday, and that you did a good job of it.\u201d\u00a0 Someone at the conference who was a fan of my work and of Janis Ian\u2019s work went straight back to Nashville and tattled on me.<\/p>\n

And that was the beginning of a friendship that endures to this day.\u00a0 Janis and I are both very different.\u00a0 She is gay; I\u2019m straight.\u00a0 She\u2019s short: I\u2019m tall.\u00a0 She\u2019s a Democrat; I\u2019m a Republican.\u00a0 She\u2019s Jewish; I\u2019m protestant, but the point is there\u2019s much more that unifies than divides us.\u00a0 We\u2019re both women who stand with one foot in the world of art and the other in the world of business.\u00a0 We\u2019re both in long-term, committed relationships\u2014and when the four of us are together, we have FUN!<\/p>\n

And how did this happen?\u00a0 It happened because, at my daughters\u2019 insistence, I cowgirled-up and kept my promise.<\/p>\n

So now we fast forward another decade to 2018.\u00a0 Bill has another round of long-delayed surgery, this time for his back, that was scheduled to occur exactly a week before an event in Newport News, Virginia.\u00a0 It was a trip we had planned to make together, but clearly that was off the table.\u00a0 Those of you who read last week\u2019s blog, know that between looking at his challenging recovery and watching Hurricane Michael approaching the East Coast, I wasn\u2019t exactly enthusiastic abut going.\u00a0 But go I did.\u00a0 I had signed a contract that said I would be there, and so I was.<\/p>\n

The weather report was dicey, even in Virginia.\u00a0 Hurricane Michael sped up once it made landfall and moved up the coast faster than anyone expected.\u00a0 Originally it had been predicted to hit Newport News around 9 am on Friday, but by the time I was headed for the event Thursday evening, it was already raining.\u00a0 I can tell you for sure that my \u201cmoisture barrier\u201d hairspray wasn\u2019t nearly up to the task!<\/p>\n

Readers of the blog also know that I\u2019m a self-identified fan of ID-Discovery, and I make no bones about the fact that Joe Kenda, Homicide Hunter, is one of my all time favorite shows.\u00a0 So I was seated on stage, getting ready to do my warm-up Q and A when a lady came up to me carrying a copy of Proof of Life.\u00a0 \u201cYou mentioned my husband\u2019s name in this book,\u201d she said, “Joe Kenda.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t see my eyes, but they probably bugged out of my head.\u00a0 \u201cYou mean Joe Kenda, Homicide Hunter?\u201d I stammered.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Kathy Kenda said, pointing.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he\u2019s right over there.\u201d<\/p>\n

She had him come up and we had the photo op moment \u2014frizzy hair and all!\u00a0 And after the event, he came up and told me I was a talented \u201cstoryteller and raconteur.\u201d\u00a0 I call that high praise coming from someone who is definitely a master of both those things.<\/p>\n

So what\u2019s the moral here?\u00a0 Keep your promises!\u00a0 Because of kept promises I now get to be friends with some of the real icons of my life\u2014Janis Ian. Joe Kenda, and Kathy Kenda, too.\u00a0 Let\u2019s all take a moment to honor the long-suffering spouses of law enforcement officers everywhere\u2014the ones who wait with bated breath through every shift!<\/p>\n

Yes, Janis, dreams may be all they ever gave me for free, but boy howdy is it fun when they do come true.<\/p>\n

Thus endeth the latest long story!<\/p>\n

\"\"

Joe Kenda, Homicide Hunter<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My husband Bill, my second husband\u2014the good one\u2014who is currently recovering (successfully) from back surgery, has often said the following:\u00a0 “With you there are no short stories\u2014only long stories.”\u00a0 And that\u2019s the case today, so buckle up, my friends, you\u2019re in for a ride. In the late seventies and early eighties, I lived in Phoenix […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3nsBA-re","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1688"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1690,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1688\/revisions\/1690"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}