{"id":1322,"date":"2016-12-30T06:01:12","date_gmt":"2016-12-30T14:01:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/?p=1322"},"modified":"2016-12-31T13:10:53","modified_gmt":"2016-12-31T21:10:53","slug":"say-yes-to-the-dress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/2016\/12\/30\/say-yes-to-the-dress\/","title":{"rendered":"Say Yes to the Dress"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"While I was growing up in Bisbee, Arizona, I heard the words \u201cNeiman Marcus,\u201d from time to time, but they were just that\u2014words. \u00a0I knew that it was a fancy store of some kind\u2014an exotic emporium to be found only in the outside world, far beyond the intervening barrier of Cochise County\u2019s Mule Mountains. People from Bisbee shopped in Bisbee\u2014at Irma Courteol\u2019s, JCPenney’s, and Phelps Dodge Mercantile. Unfortunately, the clothing to be found in those places wasn’t necessarily meant for girls who were six feet tall. \u00a0Pants that were ankle length on somebody else ended up being pedal pusher\u2019s for me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t venture into a Neiman Marcus of any kind until two years ago when my husband was doing some last minute Christmas shopping here in Bellevue, Washington. \u00a0While he was forming what has turned out to be an entirely satisfactory customer relationship with the sales clerk at the Creed counter, I stepped onto the escalator and rode down to the ladies clothing department. \u00a0At the time I was wearing size 26 pants, and I could tell just by looking around that the clothing on display was meant for tiny people rather than people like me. At the bottom of the escalator, and with a heart full of despair, I turned on my heel and headed back upstairs.<\/span><\/p>\n

The following year April our lives took an abrupt turn. \u00a0At the urging of our doctor, Garrison Bliss, Bill and I embarked on our adventure in walking and we\u2019re still at it. We walk every single day\u2014usually 10,000 steps for me and 6,000 for him. \u00a0We\u2019ve learned to watch our carbs and our calories and work out twice a week with Dan Kritsonis, a personal trainer Garrison located for us on the Internet. \u00a0Over time, the pounds\u2014seventy of them\u2014have melted away. <\/i>The pants I\u2019m wearing now vary from size 14 to size 16\u2014a very long way down from size 26.<\/span><\/p>\n

On Christmas eve\u00a0this year found us back at the Creed counter in Neiman Marcus. While Bill was fully occupied, I took another crack at that escalator. \u00a0On the way down I spotted a fire engine red floor-length gown\u2014a satiny Halston with a wide sash and a to-die-for split up the skirt. \u00a0It came in three sizes\u2014small, medium, and large. \u00a0I plucked the large off the rack and headed for the nearest dressing room.<\/span><\/p>\n

I put it on. \u00a0It fit perfectly. It was long enough. \u00a0It was gorgeous. \u00a0When the clerk told me that a Halston large was comparable to a regular size 12!!!, you could have knocked me over with a feather. The only problem with the dress was a plunging neckline which seemed to stop just a couple of inches north of my belly button. In other words, the potential for a wardrobe malfunction was enormous. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When one of my books makes it to a spot in the top ten of the NYTimes, Bill throws a party, and the party for Downfall was scheduled for December 28. \u00a0The moment I saw the dress on my body, I knew it would be perfect for the Downfall party. When Bill agreed, we immediately said yes to the dress and summoned the store\u2019s alterations guy. \u00a0We suggested that he add an insert of some kind to cover the portion of plunging neckline that wasn\u2019t exactly G-rated. This was on Saturday morning, and the alterations guy said there\u2019d be no problem with his having the dress ready by Monday afternoon. \u00a0Except when Monday came around and the dress was ready, I wasn\u2019t. I \u00a0told them I\u2019d come in to pick it up the following day.<\/span><\/p>\n

And pick it up we did, on Tuesday morning the day before the party. \u00a0The lace insert was perfect and the snaps that held it in place were invisible. \u00a0The problem is, I had been so concerned about the neckline the first time around that I hadn\u2019t realized that the back of the dress had a peek-a-boo window between the shoulders\u2014located, in fact, right where the bra-line crosses the shoulders. The clerk said, \u201cNo problem. \u00a0All you need to do is pull the bra down. \u00a0It won\u2019t show at all.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Bill is a good man and a wise one. \u00a0He\u2019s someone who chooses his battles and considers his words carefully before he speaks. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t until several hours later before he mentioned to me in passing that he thought I really did have to do something about the bra situation. Except by then it was way too late on Tuesday evening to go back to the mall. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So yesterday morning, the day of the party, I got up bright and early and, with the dress in hand, headed for Belle-square. The bra-fitting clerk at Nordstrom\u2019s wasn\u2019t particularly helpful or hopeful. \u00a0In fact, her initial suggestion was that I go bra-less. She\u2019s maybe a forty-something. \u00a0I\u2019m seventy-plus. \u00a0Going braless was NOT an option. Her backup plan was a set of straps that could be attached to my regular bra fasteners and then wrapped around my waist and fastened there\u2014a procedure that made me look like a sausage that had its bindings pulled way too tight. \u00a0Nope. \u00a0Never do; never do! Her third suggestion consisted of a pair of stick-on bra cups made out of bronze colored molded plastic that were supposed to be attached with some kind of double-sided glue. They looked like the kind of body armor you could find on one of the female characters in Ride of the Valkyries. <\/i>I was tempted to break out in an operatic version of the single word \u201cNOOOOOOOO!”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So I took the dress, left Nordstrom\u2019s and marched up the corridor to Victoria\u2019s Secret. When there were no low-waisted strapless bras to be found there, either, the dress and I trudged on, this time to a lingerie emporium called Soma. \u00a0That\u2019s where I found a possible solution\u2014a bra-like device that consists of two soft cups (as opposed to plastic body armor) designed to attach under the arms by wings made of more double-sided sticky stuff. That stick-on strapless is what I came home with. \u00a0When I put it on under the dress, the bodice of the dress was tight enough to hold the stick-on bra in place. \u00a0If I do say so myself, the results were pretty spectacular.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s only appropriate to mention that among the guests at last night\u2019s party were two of the people who made my wearing that size 12 Halston gown possible\u2014Garrison Bliss and Dan Kritsonis. (I\u2019m proud to say that last night at the party, my Fitbit registered 14,300 steps to Garrison’s 13,500. YAY for me!!)<\/span><\/p>\n

Although Garrison has since referred several of his patients to Dan, until last night when they were seated at the same table for dinner, the two of them had never met in person. I don\u2019t know if they talked shop during dinner, but everyone at the table, including Garrison\u2019s wife, Suzanne Wu, seemed to be having fun.<\/span><\/p>\n

The other people in the crowd were a motley crew I consider to be members of my literary \u201cvillage.\u201d Kids and grandkids were there, of course, along with long-time book sellers (J.B. and Gretchen Dickey from Seattle Mystery Bookshop and Pat and Ed Rutledge from A Book for All Seasons in Leavenworth); long time readers and friends, Jim and Lynne Norman from Bainbridge; one of my kids\u2019 long ago elementary school principals, Ed James and his wife, Juli, from Renton; my literary agent, Alice Volpe and her husband, Champagne Al; Jim Hunt our wizard interior designer; Bonnie Abney from Second Watch fame; and Marthinus Becker, our property manager, along with some of his visiting relatives, Johnny and Brenda. \u00a0As I went around the room making introductions, I was amazed to realize how many of those folks have made it into my books one way or the other. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All in all it was a wonderful evening. It was Cinderella and the ball all over again, only Cinderella never got to show up in a bright red ball gown complete with a stick-on strapless bra!<\/span><\/p>\n

We had the party because my readers\u2014blog readers and book readers\u2014put Downfall on the NYTimes list, so thank you to all of you who made it possible for Bill and me to show our gratitude to some of the people who have been along for the ride on this thirty-plus-year journey.<\/span><\/p>\n

Please feel free to color me grateful, but when you do, be sure to color me grateful in a bright red dress.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

While I was growing up in Bisbee, Arizona, I heard the words \u201cNeiman Marcus,\u201d from time to time, but they were just that\u2014words. \u00a0I knew that it was a fancy store of some kind\u2014an exotic emporium to be found only in the outside world, far beyond the intervening barrier of Cochise County\u2019s Mule Mountains. People […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3nsBA-lk","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1322","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1322"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1326,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1322\/revisions\/1326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jajance.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}